Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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