remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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