Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
