Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
