you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
