umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
