the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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