Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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