the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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