she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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