you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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