I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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