Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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