Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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