Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
