Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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