Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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