Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
