I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize