I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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