Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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