My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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