I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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