so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
