batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need to align my fucking chakras
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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