i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
