69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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