i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
