No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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