He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
