they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
