and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
