Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
