It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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