I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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