I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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