dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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