I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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