I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
