and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
