There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
