lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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