can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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