i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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