Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't put those talents on a resume
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
