Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
