He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
