It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
