Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
