they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my shit smells like andre
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
