i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
