If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
