she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
