he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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