I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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