my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
