i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
