You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
