So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
