So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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