I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
