She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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