They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My breasts were aching with rage.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
