OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
