is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
