Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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