why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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