I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
