and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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