that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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