i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
