I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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